her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
