I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
