Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
