it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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