I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
