Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I need to align my fucking chakras
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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