I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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