oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
