Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
