Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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