I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
