maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
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It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
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Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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