He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
