I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
