My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Randomize
