she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
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I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
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Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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