I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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