That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Its about making memories worth repressing
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
