I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I could fuck to npr.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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