Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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