i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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