Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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