1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
They took my balls.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Randomize
