ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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