We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
