if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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