Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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