lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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