matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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