"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
