i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
