I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
