You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
