Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
