So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
