I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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