tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
