I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
