she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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