Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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