I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
