is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
