Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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