Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
