this beer tastes like vomit already
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My penis needs a shock collar
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
