mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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