wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
