I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
