I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
