TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
