I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
