dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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