remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
is that a dick in a sweater?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
