it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
