I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
