nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
