Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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