apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
