I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
