take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
