i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
