i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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